1. The Tourist (2010)
Who would have thought pairing two of Hollywood’s most alluring and attractive actors would be such a snore fest?
Did someone believe two hours of watching them smolder would be enough? Does anyone even remember if it was supposed to be suspense, romance or what?
2. The Brown Bunny (2003)
This plodding, self-indulgent story follows a brooding Vincent Gallo wherever the muse takes him. Along the way he meets women more than happy to give up the goods. Only he longs for the woman he left behind.
True Fact: Play this film at hi-speed and it’s still boring!
3. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)
Clint Eastwood assembles an all-star cast and the result is a sedative guaranteed to relax.
A reporter looks into a murder with everyone acting wealthy Southern while holding a drink, which is pretty boring by it… What? Are you falling asleep? The real mystery is how did the cast stay awake?
4. Meet Joe Black (1998)
If you could look like Brad Pitt, wouldn’t you go out and have a good time? Not Death.
He decides to get back in touch with life by looking great but just meandering about waxing philosophically with the likes of Anthony Hopkins and doing goo-goo eyes with Clare Forlani. For three hours.
5. The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Nothing says show us the money like a needless sequel. Unfortunately, The Matrix deserved one and the studio was far too willing to spread the wealth for anyone to say no.
Revolutions wins over Reloaded only because no one can remember what Reloaded was about.
6. Superman Returns (2006)
We’re still not sure how Bryan Singer got it so wrong. The brilliant director, especially in the caped hero genre, put together a painfully slow tale of the Man of Steel’s return to Earth.
Ultimately, it was far too introspective when it should have been pulse pounding.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
The first film was everything a family friendly actioner could hope to be and more. If Johnny Depp weren’t already a movie star, that film would have made him one.
This sequel was another example of a rushed project that added nothing to what should have been a reunion of great characters.
8. The Black Dahlia (2006)
Apparently, 2006 was a great year to get some sleep at the movies. Black Dahlia was directed by Brian De Palma, who is always at the very least interesting.
Even here, his style is exemplary, but the story is so convoluted you stop paying attention and wishing you could see what’s on another channel.
9. Schindler’s List (1993)
Of course we’re probably pressing the wrath of Oskar Schindler admirers, but this was one long, long movie that spent a lot of time dialoguing while looking black and white beautiful.
Yes, it deserved every accolade it’s received, but who didn’t stifle a yawn or two?